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Dear Diary…

October 2, 2014

Dear Diary:

I did pretty good today.  I didn’t quit the moment I walked into work, contrary to how I’d envisioned it the day before, with me throwing my name lanyard down on the desk and leaving everyone in the lurch trying to find a replacement for me for the day.  Would have served them right, but I didn’t do it, so points for me.

Then, when I got yelled at for talking with a co-worker, I handled myself like a man.  “OK” I said smiling, and didn’t even punch the person who yelled at me, though it is always clear any time of day that the other departments sit around and share Pinterest recipes and chat about weddings and homecomings while I am slaving away fighting off angry drunk men and trying to roust up bicycle thieves.  And to top that off, I didn’t even trip this person as they walked away from me, though I probably could have sidelined them for a while if I had placed a kick to the shin just right.

And when my co-workers and I went out after work, I only had two glasses of water, instead of the seven forties I wanted to get.

So all in all, I did OK for the day.


math problems

ok, i’m not that great at math, but i’m pretty sure this abacus isn’t adding up to 528

Dear Diary: .1

Dear Diary:

Today I punched an old guy in the face.  This was after I forced his vehicle off the road.  He looked surprised that I would cold cock him for no reason.  A total stranger.  Apparently he’s not aware of how offensive it is when really, really old people with one foot in the grave drive nice fast sports cars that no one else can afford, and since they don’t have much strength in their bodies they can’t push the gas pedal down very far so are driving a racey sports car 21 MPH.

Punched him.

viewer discretion advised


rapture .1

i hate it when i miss the rapture!  maybe i’ll catch the next bus…

children’s song goes PG-13

you know that old song “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.  If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.  If you’re happy and you know it, then you’re face will really show it…lalalalalala”

i’m trying to think what that song would sound like if you’re an old, tired, grumpy, jaded person who doesn’t have the energy to clap or smile, and is really looking forward to something more like falling down in a dead drunk sleep and drooling all over the pillow while simultaneously avoiding alcohol poisoning by a hair. 

haven’t quite come up with it yet, but i’ll let you know.