Blog Archives

summer lovin’: ideas for keeping cool

well it’s another hot scorching day in the States.  which is wonderful, because it’s not winter!  but if you don’t have AC at your location, here are some recommendations for keeping cool:

1.  Go to your local library!  Not only should your local library have loads of good stuff to read, listen to and peruse, they should have AC as well!  Do what our patrons do and enjoy the cool spell for a while as you play Farmville on the web.  Or nod right off in one of the fluffy chairs.  It beats passing out on the sidewalk and getting a concussion from heat exhaustion.

2.  Go mall walking.  Malls are full of AC.  And consumerism.  And pretzels.  So then walk a little more after that.

3.  Hit the theater.  Summer blockbusters don’t even have to be interesting, because they offer popcorn and AC for a few hours of the day.  Who cares what’s playing?  But if you can still catch it, the Avengers is worth watching back to back for multiple kick-butt enjoyment and extended AC play.

4.  Bug someone in your family.  Surely someone you know – family member, friend, ex, or foe – has air conditioning you can siphon off for a while as you return that old lawn mower you forgot you had, or the old jean jacket that went out of style twelve years ago.  Or maybe you just want to patch things up with someone you’ve had a feud with, because that will be sure to take about three or four good hours of crying and cooling down.

5.  Go to Red Robin.  Not only do they have the best most delicious burgers EVER, they are coooool.  Not sure what the maximum stay period is, but you can stretch it out by ordering desert, refills, and asking for a coloring book.

6.  If all else fails, lie in the tub!  Pour a tub full of cool water, sprinkle in some mint leaves if you want refreshing scents, and hop in with a good (disposable) fiction read.  Be sure you bring in something you don’t mind tossing out, just in case you drop it in the water.  Magazines are great for this, and comic books if you aren’t an avid collector and worried about the mint condition.  You may find yourself slightly pickled after a few hours, but just think of all the telemarketers and mothers-in-law you will avoid by not hearing the phone!

crooked eye view

i like my weird perspective; my ability to see things that aren’t things, and notice expressions that are barely there on the face of the person next to me.  i have an uncanny ability to see hidden objects in movies, or ghosts in the window of an old house.  most people just look at me with a weird look on their face when i tell them about these things.  “off to the Funny Farm with you”, they seem to be saying to me with their wild, surprised expressions.  just because i saw a face in a tree?  or claim that i have faeries in my room playing Yahtzee? 

well even the small of faith and linear of mind should be able to see that i’ve found a mummy lying right next to one of the characters from Nightmare Before Christmas!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

accidental happiness ~ first day of the new year

so today has been a fabulous kick off to 2012.

first we started off with a movie at midnight.  and margaritas.

then we watched football all day today, along with some Twilight Zone marathon

We also had fun with my friend’s new Facebook page.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/30-Day-Classic-TV-Challenge/213301222081272

this was fun to ponder all day.  along with enjoying more margaritas and some pizza.  today’s question was “Favorite All Time Classic TV Show”, which was easy for me, as i am obsessed with The Twilight Zone.  but Mark (my friend) has listed all the questions that you should answer each day, so we sat and tried to figure out what our answers will be this month.  very fun, very old school, very couch potato.  and fun to read everyone else’s answers.

if you have a Facebook account, hop on the page, or go to his other old school TV discussion page,

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Marks-Classic-TV-Guide/152892888086161

the Weatherman

If you haven’t seen the hilarious “Weather Man” with Nick Cage, I highly suggest you get on that.

Now, I know my sense of humor and taste in movies is not the same as everyone in the world.  So if you like movies about bunnies and romance and little happy children running around singing songs, I recommend something in the children’s department.  If, however, you have a sense of sass and silliness, check this movie out.

Nick Cage is always at his best when he plays nutballs.  In this movie he has a variety of personal issues to contend with, ranging from a very problematic short term memory to confronting difficult family matters, like how to handle the complicated issue of his daughter’s frequent camel toe.

Favorite scene from the movie is as follows:  Dave Spritz is supposed to be out getting tartar sauce for the take out meal he is bringing home.  He is notorious for forgetting to bring things home.  If his wife could hop inside his brain for a minute, she might understand why it’s so hard for him to do small tasks…here is his inner conversation, as he stands behind a woman on the street with a particularly nice ass:

“Man, I’d like to put my face in there. Right in there. Tartar sauce. My hips are cold. Tartar sauce. That’s when you know its cold. I like eating pussy. Tartar sauce. A lot of guys don’t. Well maybe they do. Maybe that’s just black guys. Tartar sauce. What happened to the guy who was trying to fly around the world in a balloon? Did he make it? I should put some espionage or stolen plutonium in my novel. Tartar sauce. Spice it up. Neil Young. Fuck, its cold. Neil Young. Wh-why am I thinking about Neil Young. Neil Diamond. Neil… Theres not a lot of famous Neils. Is this Wednesday? I wish I had two dicks. I thought the whole family was going to learn Spanish together this year. That never really happened. I haven’t had a Spanish omelette in a long time. [street light turns green] Here we go.”

a step, nonetheless

I’m feeling proud of myself this weekend.  Ok, I haven’t graduated with honors, or climbed Mt. McKinley, or single handedly remodeled my kitchen.  Though, God, that would be awesome.  My kitchen is so small it’s more like a cupboard than a room. 

 

Life can become a lot.  There are always obligations to deal with; someone’s having a baby, and you have to go to the shower, and you’re not sure if it will come out very cute, and if not what do you say?  You don’t want to lie and say the child is adorable – BIG FAT LIE! – but it’s considered fairly rude to openly proclaim to a new mother that her baby looks like Rodney Dangerfield’s runt cousin, even if it’s pretty blatantly obvious.  Someone I knew once had a baby, and seriously, this was one unattractive situation.  “Aren’t you so sweet?” is usually pretty safe.  But you might have other obligations, like parties to attend, or commitments to activities, or just standard, unexciting things like chores.  Get the oil changed.  Mow the lawn.  Dismember a body, if you happen to be Dexter Morgan.  That type of thing.

 

I can’t always do these things.  Not the dismembering, because generally speaking I don’t kill people as a hobby or profession.  But there are things I can’t always do, for a variety of reasons, though the reasons pretty much all fall under the category of MPD.  Like my sister and I might be planning on going to a movie, but I have a problem with some aspect of my health.  Or I’m supposed to do laundry, but I have anxiety over going to the Laundromat because of past situations and issues.  Or I need to drive over to a friend’s house, but I’m ‘little’.  A typical person makes a list for the day, week, or when they get inspired to actually do something.  It might look like this:

  1. make dinner
  2. no, go get groceries, then make dinner
  3. email granny about her hip
  4. clean up that mess that came from an animal
  5. put away toys, weapons and victims
  6. watch that movie you rented before it’s due

 

That list doesn’t seem so hard.  But for me, or someone like me (crazy) this can be an issue. 

 

My mind doesn’t always want to go in one direction.  My sister’s brain is awesomely linear, so if she loses the car keys she can re-trace her steps and find them.  When I lose them she tries this trick with me, but it rarely works.  For one thing, my mind thinks so many thoughts in a teeny amount of time, it’s really hard to re-trace.  Just while I was in the shower today I thought of five blogs I wanted to write about, a new idea for a graphic novel, a word I was curious about, and had a curiosity about fetishes and disorders.  That’s when I wasn’t wondering about why I’ve been so tired this weekend, how I was going to go for a walk if it ends up being hot again today, or why the sponge in the bathtub never seems to stink as much as the one by the sink.  My brain thinks a trillion little thoughts, all the time, and I really wish someone would invent a bodycamera so I could just push a button on my neck when I wanted to capture the idea that is fleeting through my brain at that particular moment.  Re-tracing all this to find the car keys is nigh unto impossible.  And besides, you don’t really plan on putting your keys in the fridge because you forgot how thirsty you are and you can’t get the jug of water open with just the one hand.  Or tucking them into a utensil drawer because you forgot to put away the pizza knife, which can be very distracting to some of us who like sharp, shiny objects that cause skin irritation and blood. 

 

And I get distracted.  So logical regression of activities is difficult for that reason, because I’m sidetracked so often I can’t remember what I was originally doing.

 

What WAS I originally doing? 

Oh yeah!  Being proud of myself.      Well yeah, for these weird reasons (and the fact that my body is inhabited by other people from time to time)  it’s not always practical to expect myself to do things exactly when I think I will do them.  I WANT to be a good housekeeper….but I get inspired by something, or distracted by something, or turn into someone who just wants to color all night.  So I’ve been hard on myself, and mad that I can’t make a schedule and keep to it and get some shit done, in my house and in my writing career, and in my life in general.  But this weekend I did make some progress.  I made a chart.  I plotted out some tasks I needed to do.  I gave myself a rough guideline and goal, without demanding exact adherence from myself.  And though I haven’t gotten to everything that I’d hoped I could get to, I did actually do some of what I’d wanted.  So good job, kid.  A small step, but a step nonetheless.

super speed (also a Minor Rebellion)

My sister and I love movies and TV. Say what you will about the power of television and its ability to turns brains to mush; we find this form of entertainment magical. Watching a TV show like LOST, Fringe or Survivor often leads us into lengthy, interesting discussions. We get mad and yell at competitors, comment on how cute Jeff Probst is, then sit and analyze the sociological behaviors of the players and wonder how we would fare in the game of Survivor. Would we turn catty and evil, and backstab those we built alliances with? Would we try to fly under the radar, or be so obnoxious that we got booted off the island first? Would we be able to braid our underarm hair by the time we got home?

Movies are good for our brains as well. It doesn’t seem to matter what the genre is or what era the movie is from, we continually discover new information about ourselves and our world, and often find nuggets of spiritual challenge, growth or revelation. Not to mention the fun of movies. The fantasy. The magic.

One day our friend offered to lend us a movie they’d rented. Cool. Who doesn’t love freebies. We just had to be sure to get it back in time, and drop it off at the right rental store. No problem. The movie runs, we are engrossed, time flies. Maybe we forgot what time the place closed. Maybe we started the show too late. Maybe the movie was so amazingly eye-opening that we had a four hour discussion about life, and vowed to advance our spirituality and karmic levels immediately. I don’t recall, but suddenly it was very obvious that we had to get this movie back to its rightful home, and do it NOW.

Pressure situations aren’t always a great time for us. We get tense, snappy, defensive and worried. We don’t always like to be rushed, or pushed, or nudged. We don’t like to be hurried. Hurrying makes us forget things, like bottled water that I will need two minutes after starting the car out of the driveway. Or glossy lip balm, because my lips might feel chapped, or I might find a cute stranger that looks like he has something on his face that needs to be cleaned. With my tongue. So supple lips are important. I hate being rushed. I never want to be ill prepared for a potential spontaneous make-out session. But this day was different. This day our magical television training paid off.

As we headed down the road and started to break the speed limit, I said we should pretend we were driving Wonder Woman’s invisible airplane. No one could see her plane, right? It’s invisible. She can go as fast as she wants, and all anyone will really know is that a woman in a star spangled bathing suit and red go-go boots is flying through space somehow. Whose going to arrest a half-naked woman in sexy foot wear? So we pictured our car as the invisible plane, and we sped like demons through the streets. Zoom past this guy, Pow past that one. We flew down the roads in record time, and our super hero driving got us to the drop box just before the villainous Late Fine was able to make his presence a reality. Being invisible has its advantages. Hmmm, plus I could kiss a lot of strangers that way.

I’d better go purchase some more lip gloss.

 

the dunder dictionary

I have a hang up with words. I don’t mean to be this way, but words mean more to me than maybe your average person. My sister likes to talk in conceptual ways, offering me the grand scheme of things, or an overall picture when we are in the middle of a discussion or argument. When recalling a movie, she will remind me of the director, the actors, and the plot.
“Is that the one where the guy is out running around in the streets, and it’s all dark and rainy, and the city looks like it’s somewhere in central Europe?” I ask.

Because I am not a plot person. I am a scene person.

I remember pictures and moments and specific emotions.

Words color the ideas, like crayons filling in a coloring book. Sometimes people like to use words that cover a lot of ground. Like ‘Tired” for instance. If someone says to me they are tired, I can relate. But what do you mean, really? Are you tired as in sleepy? Are you physically worn down from doing too much? Are you bored, and therefore tired of your situation? Are you depressed and tired of your job, which is maybe leaning more toward despondency? I mean, sure you can get out a big blue crayon, and color the person in the coloring book blue, for “waaaahhh”. Or you could use Cerulean Blue, and Indigo, and Cornflower.

I know this makes me a difficult person (along with all the other issues I have that make me difficult. wait, i’m trying to convince myself i am challenging, interesting and colorful rather than difficult. so COLORFUL is what we’ll go with today) I know this means I’m annoying to people at times, asking them to specify the meaning of their phrase so I can more clearly place their emotional outburst in the right filing drawer.

But words are important to me.

In fact, I create my own words because I often find my own language just slightly lacking in some expressions I need. Or maybe it isn’t the language, maybe I just don’t remember the words I’m looking for, so spontaneously make up something to act as pinch hitter for the missing word that won’t surface in my brain. In junior high I used “honkin’ ” a lot. Everything was honkin’ big. I used this expression especially when making fun of my drama teacher, Mr. Serafino. I actually adored the man, but he was an interesting character, and kids often picked on him for his strange, passionate, intense ways (Italian), his large nose and his need to wear disco pants. But he was my favorite teacher. Still, I had to chime in once in a while and pick on “Serafinose” for his “honkin’ big nose”. I swore I made that expression up. Obviously I didn’t make up the word, because people have been honking their horns for forever. But to describe a large object, I was sure it was a phrase I’d coined. Yet decades later I heard the expression in a movie.

“They stole my word!” was all I could think.

So this blog is for sharing my words.  I tend to tag these entries under “denelleiopedia” but my sister doesn’t approve of this word.  So “dunder dictionary” is what it’s becoming.   I’ll likely amend the list later, or create another when I’ve amassed more. But in case these words ever become a part of culture, I’m claiming them as my own, so you heard it here first. (or read it. whatever)

DUNDER:

1. To question or consider something or the meaning of something

(i/e: what do you think is behind the gate in the Lion’s Gate symbol at the beginning of the movie?)

2. A question or hypothetical situation proposing an idea or seeking further information.

(i/e:  if you were trying to open that gate, would you use pliers, or a crowbar, or like one of those big hefting things they used to batter down doors in the old days?)

3. An annoyance.

(i/e: Denelle, can you just watch this movie and shut up?)

VOMITATIONOUS:

1. Something that creates or causes a sense of disgust.

2. Vomit inducing.

3. Utterly gross or disgusting.

(Her sweater is so vomitationous. I’m surprised he can even LOOK at her when she’s wearing that, let alone kiss her.)

(“Ewww, that chili cheese dog was too much.” “Dude, don’t get all vomitationous on me”)

TIMERIZE:

1. To set a timer to record a television show. In most households this might commonly be called “programming”. Other adjectives include DVR, tape, record.

(“Hey will you timerize that show so we don’t forget to watch it?”)

SNUGGY:

1. A horrible commercial for a ridiculous product that is really a blanket with arms. (which we happen to own in Michigan State University theme)

2. A blanket for old people (and people who get funny gifts from their family).

3. Warm, safe and comfortable.

4. Yummy feeling.

5. Warmth inducing item.

SCRITCHY:

1. An unpleasant texture.

2. Coarse, rough material.

(ewww, those socks are all scritchy)

3. Undesirable emotions.

4. Unstable and dangerous frame of mind or state of being. (“I’m feeling a little scritchy today”, she says as she drives the car into a tree)

SCHLOMPY:

1. A slovenly, bad postured person.

2. In disrepair.

3. Disheveled.

4. A person with a distinctive “ick-factor”.

5. Kafuffled. (I think L.M. Montgomery coined this word in Anne of Green Gables. I could be wrong)

KAFUFFLED:

(I imagine this is what she meant by the word)

1. At a loss. (I’m all kafuffled, I don’t know what to say)

2. Verklempt.

3. Taken off guard.

4. Emotionally ruffled.

ZEN*DO*DA: (zen-doo-dah)

1. A relaxed, gentle state of being.

2. Philosophies and belief systems that create a sense of Zen wisdom.

3. A phrase that reveals jealousy or disdain for those people who do not get “ruffled” by life’s antics.

4. Casual categorization of spiritual matters that seem too lofty or advanced for the speaker to reach, attain or achieve.

VOLUMIZER:

1. A remote control device that increases the volume of entertainment equipment and gadgets. Commonly referred to as “the clicker” by some, or “the remote” by others.

(Can you find the volumizer for me? I can’t hear the T.V.)

EASILIER:

1. The most easiest thing.

(more to come sometime, stay tuned)

DIDieness:

when describing the issues, feelings, and surrounding energies of having Dissociative Identity Disorder (also Multiple Personality Disorder)  .  pronounced like “giddiness”, the stranger “DIDieness” would be used like this:   “I didn’t know anything about my DIDieness until I was in my late twenties.  Well, officially anyway”.

DIDie, or perhaps DIDy:

one who has DID, i/e Multiple Personality Disorder

TICK~TOCKERY:

some things that fall into the Tick~Tockery category are as follows, but not limited to:  gadgets, gears, clockwork, ornamentation, James Bond type toys and Mission Impossible style undercover work, pretty fastenings, old machinery, and Steampunk stylings, keys, fobs, chains and such goodies.

for more on Tick~Tockery see   https://accidentalhappiness.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/denelleiopedia-tick-tockery/

TUMPED:

1. To be knocked over or knocked down.  To fall over on one’s own accord or volition.

“that fat boy with the big nose tumped me over on the playground”  or “don’t make me tump you over”

YUMMTH DEGREE:

the infinite degree of yumminess allowable known to man

(for previous entries, see   https://accidentalhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/07/29/the-dunder-dictionary/            or         https://accidentalhappiness.wordpress.com/?s=denelleiopedia&submit=Search