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denelle’s top 10 reasons for having sex

 

10. It’s a nice way to keep in touch:

Gosh, with all change in the world today, it seems like sometimes you have to make an extra effort to stay connected with your friends and cohorts. People change jobs, move to different locales, and break up and divorce all the time. No one wants to lose all their hard earned friends. Sex is DEFINITELY one way to keep your friends close!

9. It’s a perfect form of worship:

You say god, I say goddess. You say potato, I say French fries. Whatever or whoever you revere or honor, every great deity needs some worship and acknowledgement. Some appreciate sacrifices and libations as well. For me, the perfect form of worship involves sex. Bodies coming together to celebrate life, the world, the earth, and unity of people. I mean UNITY. So go ahead and sit in your pew with your hymnal if you like. Or, you could try my method of honorific studies, and hop in the sack when you need to pray real loud.

8. It’s a great way to stay warm:

This has been – hands down – the longest winter I’ve ever experienced. Granted, I live in Michigan, so extended winters are to be expected. But come on! Winter hits here in November, and by the end of April, when you are still seeing occasional snowflakes…well a girl gets a bit punchy. And cold! Enter the ever popular sex act. With the cost of life going up, and heating bills that stagger the allotted budgetary demands, a nice romp in the hay is the perfect way to stay warm while you’re waiting for spring to show up.

7. It’s an excellent way to be politically active:

You know the old hippie saying “Make Love, Not War”. If everyone was getting a little more, perhaps we would have less war, less crime, less…I don’t know…pollution? I can’t change the whole world, but I have determined that one way I can at least FEEL like I’m making a difference is SEX! I may not be picketing down at the Capitol, I may not be a part of Green Peace, but I can feel like I’m doing my part in active “not-making-of-war” by participating strenuously in the making-love part of the slogan. Being politically active has never been so fun!

6. It’s a healthy way to deal with anger:

People can be annoying. And irritating. And stoooopid. Some days it’s all you can do to keep from punching people in the kisser. And since you’re already thinking of putting something in someone’s kisser, why not turn to your sweetheart for a grumpy quickie? Venting out your anger in sex can make for a hot, passionate – albeit bruising – affair. So you get a little rug burn, or potentially a black eye. What’s a little pain between friends? Especially when it keeps you from overnight jail accommodations due to assaulting a stranger on the subway.

5. It’s an excellent form of exercise:

I may have accidentally put on a few pounds this winter. Not a lot of pounds. And maybe not even pounds, maybe I’m just more…huggable, less firm. So (as soon as it’s warm enough) I’m headed back to my walking routine. But in the meantime, how’s a girl to burn some extra calories so she can fit into her favorite hot skinny jeans? Yup! Sex to the rescue! Interestingly, in a male/female couple, both partners burn more calories if the woman is on top. And hey, I’m striving to tone up, so I gotta do my duty! Check out this chart for more …

http://calorielab.com/news/2008/02/12/calories-burned-during-sex/

 4. It’s the ideal recreational activity:

Bored? Get real. How can you be bored when there is someone next to you with all those nice body parts! I hate when people tell me they have nothing to do and life’s a bore. Or that they went on vacation and it was a big drag. Give me a break! You’re in Montreal, and your BORED!? Not happening. But ok, let’s say you are…let’s say you’re in Montreal, and there’s nothing to do because the whole city has gone to sleep. Or you’re out camping and it rains the whole time. Or you went to go zip lining and the instructor got sick with Sleeping Tiger Fever. (made that one up) Have some sex. It’s a great activity anytime, and it’s completely portable. You can take it with you to Disneyworld, the Bahamas, and even back yard barbecues. (check with your doctor about skydiving and snorkeling…I can’t be sure about those)

3. It’s helpful for cleaning off surfaces:

Come on, I’m an artist. I’m a writer, a crafter, a hobbyist, a Twilight Zone enthusiast, and a reader. I have too many projects and interests to spend any decent amount of time cleaning my house. Luckily for me, a nice bout of sex on the coffee table can clean off ALL my junk in one glorious swoop! Shove all that stuff on the floor and go at it! Look at that; my coffee table is cleared off! Try my method, it’s sure to be a hit. (granted, you have to pick all the stuff off the floor afterwards, but it’s blissfully easier to put away now!)

2. It’s a great exfoliant:

Seriously! You’ve never thought of that? What an excellent way to rejuvenate yourself, refresh your skin, and give yourself that “glow” of health. Sex is THE way to healthy skin; all that wonderful friction to slough off dead skin cells. Certainly a more entertaining way to revive your youthful appearance than an old facial mask.

1. It’s fashion forward:

Sex is THE one thing that goes with everything and NEVER goes out of style. All the cool people are doing it, and some of the important people too. Sex goes with food, fashion, music, movies, alcohol, and all sorts of other forms of entertainment. If I really have to give you ten reasons you should be having sex, you clearly haven’t had the right kind.

accidental happiness – cute beans

I got cute beans.

Back-story:  One of my cats – I have four – is ridiculously adorable.  I mean, they all are, of course.  One is neurotic, needy and affectionate.  One is shy, nervous and spends most of the day hiding from carpet lint.  One is adventurous, athletic and bossy.  And then there is Siris. 

            Siris is … well, adorable.  Soft little belly, big pouty eyes, dark markings on his mouth that make you wonder if he found some kitty-sized lipstick somewhere and is looking into cross-dressing.  He does have a shoe fetish.  We’ve never determined exactly what it is about this cat that makes him so adorable.  True, he is physically cuter than many a cat.  We frequently remind him that there are a score of dreadfully ugly felines out in the world because he stole all the cute.  He just says “meow”.  Is it his cute ‘fun-sized’ stature that makes him so adorable?  He’s never really sprouted into a cat size; still walks around sporting a kitten suit.  Is it this petite frame that makes him so endearing?  Or the fact that he snores when he’s asleep?  I mean, serious snoring, like your old favorite grandparent on the Lazy Boy Sunday afternoon.  Or could it be all the funny adventures Siris has gotten himself into, and we just automatically believe he is charming because of his hilarious past?  The burrito eating contest.  The spontaneous cast he made for his arm.  His random art projects.  Regardless of the reason, he is just freakishly delightful. 

            And he knows this.  In the ten years that we have had Siris, the only days he hasn’t been told he’s cute are days that we were off with family for the holidays; or traveling through Bellinzona, Italy; or landed in jail for indecent exposure in a public place.  Hey come on.  I thought there was something called Freedom of Religion?  Cult rites should be included in that, especially if they involve nudity, honey and shocked onlookers.  But back to the topic at hand; me.

            Reality is, no matter what the reason, this cat is damn cute.  It can’t be denied, ignored, or refuted.  And according to my sister, I’m cute too.

            It’s a frequent occurrence in my house, the mentioning of “cute”.  And it often is attached to me somehow.  Throughout the course of the day, I apparently do things that are funny, endearing, stupid, silly or bizarre.  I say things that are equally goofy, ridiculous or hilarious, and apparently these silly things create a feeling of affection on the end of others.  Or at least this is true with my sister because she is constantly saying how cute I am.  Forever now I’ve been responding back to this comment with “why?”  or “what did I do?”  I want to understand what thing I did that was weird or silly or particularly funny.  It’s not like I’ve done anything interesting or humorous in my eyes.  I’m just being me.  So what on earth is making her smile and shake her head?  What did I do?

            The other day – after mentioning my cuteness and appropriately being drilled as to the reason of said cuteness – my sister simply said “It’s just in your being”. 

            “My beans?”  I said, jokingly, an old family tradition of purposely mishearing someone’s comments. “I got cute beans?” 

            She smiled, shaking her head. 

            And finally it made sense to me.  I’m like my cat.  And now I no longer need to question the authority or accuracy of my sister’s statements.  Because some of us are just innately created to be wacky, weird, wonderful creatures that make others pick on you, laugh at you, and shake their head in wonder.  So why fight it?  Why question it?  I got cute beans.