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heritage

people like to celebrate their heritage in different ways.  some people might go back through their lineage, find their family’s coat of arms and display it in the house.  others might trace their ancestry back to their country of origin, and take a trip with their family to find any relatives, or roam over the stomping grounds of a great-great-great lost uncle, grandparent or ex-communicated patch of cousins. 

me, i like to do things differently.  i have my own ways.

for instance, a few years ago i discovered that i was mostly Czechoslovakian (if a pretty-much-mostly-mutt can be “most” of something).  it appears my way of celebrating this heritage is by growing lots of hair where i don’t want it.  wonky eyebrows that refuse to participate in beauty class, goofball stray hairs that seem to think i live in the arctic and need to protect one hair follicle on my cheek, or two follicles on my chin. (wtf?)  and of course my legs think i need a built in pair of boots to keep me warm at all times.  thanks, Czecks!

i seem to celebrate my Native American heritage by being poor and having a tendency to enjoy alcohol and pills too much.

i think we are part Irish, though i might be making that up, but just in case, i do love a good potato, so i have that duly covered.  and in case there is any Romanian in me i do tarot readings, so i’m full of the celebration there as well.

all in all, i feel i’m representing my people groups as best i can. 

GO HERITAGE!

 

denelle’s top 10 reasons for having sex

 

10. It’s a nice way to keep in touch:

Gosh, with all change in the world today, it seems like sometimes you have to make an extra effort to stay connected with your friends and cohorts. People change jobs, move to different locales, and break up and divorce all the time. No one wants to lose all their hard earned friends. Sex is DEFINITELY one way to keep your friends close!

9. It’s a perfect form of worship:

You say god, I say goddess. You say potato, I say French fries. Whatever or whoever you revere or honor, every great deity needs some worship and acknowledgement. Some appreciate sacrifices and libations as well. For me, the perfect form of worship involves sex. Bodies coming together to celebrate life, the world, the earth, and unity of people. I mean UNITY. So go ahead and sit in your pew with your hymnal if you like. Or, you could try my method of honorific studies, and hop in the sack when you need to pray real loud.

8. It’s a great way to stay warm:

This has been – hands down – the longest winter I’ve ever experienced. Granted, I live in Michigan, so extended winters are to be expected. But come on! Winter hits here in November, and by the end of April, when you are still seeing occasional snowflakes…well a girl gets a bit punchy. And cold! Enter the ever popular sex act. With the cost of life going up, and heating bills that stagger the allotted budgetary demands, a nice romp in the hay is the perfect way to stay warm while you’re waiting for spring to show up.

7. It’s an excellent way to be politically active:

You know the old hippie saying “Make Love, Not War”. If everyone was getting a little more, perhaps we would have less war, less crime, less…I don’t know…pollution? I can’t change the whole world, but I have determined that one way I can at least FEEL like I’m making a difference is SEX! I may not be picketing down at the Capitol, I may not be a part of Green Peace, but I can feel like I’m doing my part in active “not-making-of-war” by participating strenuously in the making-love part of the slogan. Being politically active has never been so fun!

6. It’s a healthy way to deal with anger:

People can be annoying. And irritating. And stoooopid. Some days it’s all you can do to keep from punching people in the kisser. And since you’re already thinking of putting something in someone’s kisser, why not turn to your sweetheart for a grumpy quickie? Venting out your anger in sex can make for a hot, passionate – albeit bruising – affair. So you get a little rug burn, or potentially a black eye. What’s a little pain between friends? Especially when it keeps you from overnight jail accommodations due to assaulting a stranger on the subway.

5. It’s an excellent form of exercise:

I may have accidentally put on a few pounds this winter. Not a lot of pounds. And maybe not even pounds, maybe I’m just more…huggable, less firm. So (as soon as it’s warm enough) I’m headed back to my walking routine. But in the meantime, how’s a girl to burn some extra calories so she can fit into her favorite hot skinny jeans? Yup! Sex to the rescue! Interestingly, in a male/female couple, both partners burn more calories if the woman is on top. And hey, I’m striving to tone up, so I gotta do my duty! Check out this chart for more …

http://calorielab.com/news/2008/02/12/calories-burned-during-sex/

 4. It’s the ideal recreational activity:

Bored? Get real. How can you be bored when there is someone next to you with all those nice body parts! I hate when people tell me they have nothing to do and life’s a bore. Or that they went on vacation and it was a big drag. Give me a break! You’re in Montreal, and your BORED!? Not happening. But ok, let’s say you are…let’s say you’re in Montreal, and there’s nothing to do because the whole city has gone to sleep. Or you’re out camping and it rains the whole time. Or you went to go zip lining and the instructor got sick with Sleeping Tiger Fever. (made that one up) Have some sex. It’s a great activity anytime, and it’s completely portable. You can take it with you to Disneyworld, the Bahamas, and even back yard barbecues. (check with your doctor about skydiving and snorkeling…I can’t be sure about those)

3. It’s helpful for cleaning off surfaces:

Come on, I’m an artist. I’m a writer, a crafter, a hobbyist, a Twilight Zone enthusiast, and a reader. I have too many projects and interests to spend any decent amount of time cleaning my house. Luckily for me, a nice bout of sex on the coffee table can clean off ALL my junk in one glorious swoop! Shove all that stuff on the floor and go at it! Look at that; my coffee table is cleared off! Try my method, it’s sure to be a hit. (granted, you have to pick all the stuff off the floor afterwards, but it’s blissfully easier to put away now!)

2. It’s a great exfoliant:

Seriously! You’ve never thought of that? What an excellent way to rejuvenate yourself, refresh your skin, and give yourself that “glow” of health. Sex is THE way to healthy skin; all that wonderful friction to slough off dead skin cells. Certainly a more entertaining way to revive your youthful appearance than an old facial mask.

1. It’s fashion forward:

Sex is THE one thing that goes with everything and NEVER goes out of style. All the cool people are doing it, and some of the important people too. Sex goes with food, fashion, music, movies, alcohol, and all sorts of other forms of entertainment. If I really have to give you ten reasons you should be having sex, you clearly haven’t had the right kind.

sex burgers…yummm

Dear vegetarians:

this particular blog is about MEAT and meat by-products, namely …  meat.  please refrain from reading this blog if hearing about meat or people consuming meat will cause you to lose points in your karma game, develop a rash, or spontaneously combust.

 

all others, proceed with caution.

last weekend i had a rather unique experience that, of course, i have to share.  because i’m so generous.  which my sister sometimes calls ‘chatty’, and my mother sometimes calls ‘annoying’.  i use generous, or occasionally ebullient. 

anyway, last weekend my sister – bodhi – celebrated another birthday of youthfulness.  we went antiquing for hours, and after finding no hidden treasures (except some old keys i wanted but didn’t purchase) we had worked up a pretty fierce appetite.  where to go on a special birthday weekend?

we headed to a restaurant we’ve never been to before; Red Robin.  (yummm)  (this is how the commercial goes, you know.  they say “Red Robin” and then follow it by a “yummm”)

who knew this place was so amazingly fabulous?  as soon as we came in we were seated…like, immediately!!!  and our hostess was so cute and friendly, and very sweet, we were sort of taken aback.  she was carrying a balloon for some reason, and i asked if bodhi could have one, for her birthday.  maybe it was the big pleading puppy eyes i gave her that did it.  maybe it was her sweet nature.  maybe it was the fact that bodhi was wearing a shirt that had a small stuffed Elmo in the pocket, and i was wearing butterfly wings on my head.  i don’t know, but soon the hostess came back with not one but TWO balloons for us.    Red Robin…Funnn

then came our waitress, who looked us over and said promptly “i love you”.  i don’t know if she’d had a hard day, or if she was just an emotional kind of person, but apparently our silliness factor – being high for a normal person, but very normal for silly people like us – had gotten to her, and we put a little bright spot in her day.  

she then brought us drinks and bottomless fries!   hello, did you hear me?  BOTTOMLESS FRIES!  who knew food could be so sexy?  or so scandalous?  i wonder if right wing Christians are offended by this brazen nod to partial nudity in the tuber community.  bothersome.  but tasty.  Red Robin…mmm

so then came our meals: for bodhi, the banzai burger (which she loved) and for me, the peppercorn burger.  let me just say this about the peppercorn burger:

it tasted like sex.

ok, i don’t know why.  i’ve never said that about anything food.  but i think at least three times during the meal i told bodhi it tasted like sex.  something about the grill flavor reminded me of summer time with men and their barbecues.  or maybe the steak sauce reminded me of saucy meat.  or maybe the little onion rings had garlic in them, which is an aphrodisiac.  i don’t know, but eating this burger was probably the most sensual dining experience i’ve ever had.  except maybe that time in Pittsburgh. 

add to that the adorable atmosphere, the upbeat and lively staff (who were ALL nice and fun, to the last person), and the fun food wrappers and containers!  crinkly paper on the burgers.  quirky drink cups. happy, motivational liners in the baskets.  no i’m not kidding.  listen to this:

GET FRESH! (see, very sexy)

LIVE IT UP

HAVE FUN

WILD COD (piece)

CHEW ON THIS

BOTTOMLESS IS WHERE THE YUMMM IS

SEEK THE BOTTOM

MUNCH

see?  even their french fry basket liners are hot!  this place can really work a girl up!  not to mention the men!!  so really, it wasn’t just the burger.  but god, oh god, oh, oh, oh god that burger tasted like sex.  thanks Red Robin, for getting me off…to the right meal.

Red Robin (makesyouwannahaveacigaretteyummm)