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I wish my DVR remote worked on people.

If I could just hit the pause button and explain why and what, then maybe the light would go on in some of these dark attics that are clearly full of cobwebs and mice droppings where there should be a functioning brain.

Not that I don’t appreciate. I understand, you see, that this guy that yelled at me today is actually TRYING to do the right thing. He wants to resolve a problem, or fix something he thinks is wrong. Gotcha. But the way he’s going about this is what we call “ass backwards”. Which … I don’t know what that means. His bottom is where his junk should be. His butt is upside down. I don’t know, point is, he’s one of those guys that will spend $40.00 worth of gas driving around town, store to store, to find the one place that still has an item in stock he can use his “save-a-dollar” coupon for. YAY! I SAVED A DOLLAR!

He’s so busy yelling at me, telling me what I need to do to fix this problem, questioning whether I really care at all about my job, and expressing how easy it is to fix this situation that he doesn’t notice I’ve actually walked away and begun knitting a death mask for him, because I’m thinking he may never get another breath of air in during this long tirade. He may expire right here at my terminal. Ha ha. My Terminal terminal. Awesome. Not that I want him to die, don’t be ridiculous. But I am interested in his immediate silence, so that would be one of the options.

If I could hit a pause button – though with this guy I’m sure it wouldn’t work, he’d find a way to keep moving his mouth and gesturing at me even if he was muted, paused or being deleted – maybe I could explain that there are procedures, or protocol, or heck even something called practicality involved. It sometimes costs more in man hours to fix some little thing than the little thing is actually worth. But because Mr. Mouth’s verbal diarrhea problem is impeding his ability to hear and reason, he will never know this.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a people DVR remote with pause button. So maybe if I held up cue cards, like the ones they use in silent films:

“NO”

“THAT’S NOT HOW WE DO IT HERE”

“NICE TRY, BUT YOU ARE STUPID”

“THAT ISN’T A POLITE FINGER”

“PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME BOXES ON MY DESK THAT LOOK LIKE THEY MIGHT BE A BOMB”

“MY SUPERVISOR’S NUMBER IS…”

the dunder dictionary

I have a hang up with words. I don’t mean to be this way, but words mean more to me than maybe your average person. My sister likes to talk in conceptual ways, offering me the grand scheme of things, or an overall picture when we are in the middle of a discussion or argument. When recalling a movie, she will remind me of the director, the actors, and the plot.
“Is that the one where the guy is out running around in the streets, and it’s all dark and rainy, and the city looks like it’s somewhere in central Europe?” I ask.

Because I am not a plot person. I am a scene person.

I remember pictures and moments and specific emotions.

Words color the ideas, like crayons filling in a coloring book. Sometimes people like to use words that cover a lot of ground. Like ‘Tired” for instance. If someone says to me they are tired, I can relate. But what do you mean, really? Are you tired as in sleepy? Are you physically worn down from doing too much? Are you bored, and therefore tired of your situation? Are you depressed and tired of your job, which is maybe leaning more toward despondency? I mean, sure you can get out a big blue crayon, and color the person in the coloring book blue, for “waaaahhh”. Or you could use Cerulean Blue, and Indigo, and Cornflower.

I know this makes me a difficult person (along with all the other issues I have that make me difficult. wait, i’m trying to convince myself i am challenging, interesting and colorful rather than difficult. so COLORFUL is what we’ll go with today) I know this means I’m annoying to people at times, asking them to specify the meaning of their phrase so I can more clearly place their emotional outburst in the right filing drawer.

But words are important to me.

In fact, I create my own words because I often find my own language just slightly lacking in some expressions I need. Or maybe it isn’t the language, maybe I just don’t remember the words I’m looking for, so spontaneously make up something to act as pinch hitter for the missing word that won’t surface in my brain. In junior high I used “honkin’ ” a lot. Everything was honkin’ big. I used this expression especially when making fun of my drama teacher, Mr. Serafino. I actually adored the man, but he was an interesting character, and kids often picked on him for his strange, passionate, intense ways (Italian), his large nose and his need to wear disco pants. But he was my favorite teacher. Still, I had to chime in once in a while and pick on “Serafinose” for his “honkin’ big nose”. I swore I made that expression up. Obviously I didn’t make up the word, because people have been honking their horns for forever. But to describe a large object, I was sure it was a phrase I’d coined. Yet decades later I heard the expression in a movie.

“They stole my word!” was all I could think.

So this blog is for sharing my words.  I tend to tag these entries under “denelleiopedia” but my sister doesn’t approve of this word.  So “dunder dictionary” is what it’s becoming.   I’ll likely amend the list later, or create another when I’ve amassed more. But in case these words ever become a part of culture, I’m claiming them as my own, so you heard it here first. (or read it. whatever)

DUNDER:

1. To question or consider something or the meaning of something

(i/e: what do you think is behind the gate in the Lion’s Gate symbol at the beginning of the movie?)

2. A question or hypothetical situation proposing an idea or seeking further information.

(i/e:  if you were trying to open that gate, would you use pliers, or a crowbar, or like one of those big hefting things they used to batter down doors in the old days?)

3. An annoyance.

(i/e: Denelle, can you just watch this movie and shut up?)

VOMITATIONOUS:

1. Something that creates or causes a sense of disgust.

2. Vomit inducing.

3. Utterly gross or disgusting.

(Her sweater is so vomitationous. I’m surprised he can even LOOK at her when she’s wearing that, let alone kiss her.)

(“Ewww, that chili cheese dog was too much.” “Dude, don’t get all vomitationous on me”)

TIMERIZE:

1. To set a timer to record a television show. In most households this might commonly be called “programming”. Other adjectives include DVR, tape, record.

(“Hey will you timerize that show so we don’t forget to watch it?”)

SNUGGY:

1. A horrible commercial for a ridiculous product that is really a blanket with arms. (which we happen to own in Michigan State University theme)

2. A blanket for old people (and people who get funny gifts from their family).

3. Warm, safe and comfortable.

4. Yummy feeling.

5. Warmth inducing item.

SCRITCHY:

1. An unpleasant texture.

2. Coarse, rough material.

(ewww, those socks are all scritchy)

3. Undesirable emotions.

4. Unstable and dangerous frame of mind or state of being. (“I’m feeling a little scritchy today”, she says as she drives the car into a tree)

SCHLOMPY:

1. A slovenly, bad postured person.

2. In disrepair.

3. Disheveled.

4. A person with a distinctive “ick-factor”.

5. Kafuffled. (I think L.M. Montgomery coined this word in Anne of Green Gables. I could be wrong)

KAFUFFLED:

(I imagine this is what she meant by the word)

1. At a loss. (I’m all kafuffled, I don’t know what to say)

2. Verklempt.

3. Taken off guard.

4. Emotionally ruffled.

ZEN*DO*DA: (zen-doo-dah)

1. A relaxed, gentle state of being.

2. Philosophies and belief systems that create a sense of Zen wisdom.

3. A phrase that reveals jealousy or disdain for those people who do not get “ruffled” by life’s antics.

4. Casual categorization of spiritual matters that seem too lofty or advanced for the speaker to reach, attain or achieve.

VOLUMIZER:

1. A remote control device that increases the volume of entertainment equipment and gadgets. Commonly referred to as “the clicker” by some, or “the remote” by others.

(Can you find the volumizer for me? I can’t hear the T.V.)

EASILIER:

1. The most easiest thing.

(more to come sometime, stay tuned)

DIDieness:

when describing the issues, feelings, and surrounding energies of having Dissociative Identity Disorder (also Multiple Personality Disorder)  .  pronounced like “giddiness”, the stranger “DIDieness” would be used like this:   “I didn’t know anything about my DIDieness until I was in my late twenties.  Well, officially anyway”.

DIDie, or perhaps DIDy:

one who has DID, i/e Multiple Personality Disorder

TICK~TOCKERY:

some things that fall into the Tick~Tockery category are as follows, but not limited to:  gadgets, gears, clockwork, ornamentation, James Bond type toys and Mission Impossible style undercover work, pretty fastenings, old machinery, and Steampunk stylings, keys, fobs, chains and such goodies.

for more on Tick~Tockery see   https://accidentalhappiness.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/denelleiopedia-tick-tockery/

TUMPED:

1. To be knocked over or knocked down.  To fall over on one’s own accord or volition.

“that fat boy with the big nose tumped me over on the playground”  or “don’t make me tump you over”

YUMMTH DEGREE:

the infinite degree of yumminess allowable known to man

(for previous entries, see   https://accidentalhappiness.wordpress.com/2010/07/29/the-dunder-dictionary/            or         https://accidentalhappiness.wordpress.com/?s=denelleiopedia&submit=Search