I’m not really sure when it started.
I can’t really put a finger on the day I realized that I have a thing for benches. At some point in my life, I just started to notice that whenever I walked by a bench I tended to sit on it. I would be in the middle of a conversation with someone, walking along a street, and then suddenly they would turn around – mid-sentence – and find me sitting on the bench, swinging my legs.
“Sorry,” I’d say with a big Cheshire grin. “I have a thing for benches”.
It didn’t really matter if it was raining and the other person wanted to run to their car to keep their hair from getting messed up. I just told them I’d catch up.
It didn’t matter if we were going to be late or if we were in the middle of a very serious, vulnerable conversation. It just didn’t matter. I had to sit.
I don’t know what caused this particular neurosis, or if there is a name for it, but I have to sit on a bench when I’m around one. But once I’ve sat on one, I don’t have to go sit on all the rest in the area; that one will give me the fix I need.
Maybe I was a pigeon feeder in a past life, and the fond memory of the birds coming to my feet to eat seeds, bread, and popcorn draws me unknowingly to these interesting pieces of furniture. Maybe my philosophical side yearns to sit, just for a moment, and consider the deeper things in life while my physical side is making its way to the used book store.
I’ve never really known anyone else that has this problem, this “Leg Narcolepsy” that forces me to collapse happily onto a hard, uncomfortable structure. I wouldn’t normally select a long piece of hard wood to sit on, or a cold length of heavy metal. Not my idea of leisure resting. But when it’s a bench I manage to set aside my discomfort for the sheer pleasure of the sit.
So here is my thing with benches, and more to follow, I’m sure. Though very utilitarian and practical, I find them works of art on their own.
I don’t know if anyone else has made this discovery, or if it’s just me. But:
mosquitoes are assholes.
I totally get that there is a circle of life, and that we are all sustained by one another. I also understand that vampires and insects are apt to want to nibble on me, because my blood is so sugary sweet and apparently I taste like cinnamon or honey. Who could resist that?
But seriously, do you have to go up into the highest part of my thigh, next to the Holy Land to get a bite to eat? I’ve got perfectly good skin in other, less inconvenient places. Now I look like I have crabs because I’m fidgeting all day, trying to rub my legs together to scratch in an awkward area. And thanks also for leaving bites on my ass, because it’s always attractive to be scratching there too. I look like a fucking baseball player.
So yeah, mosquitoes are complete assholes, and if I knew where their private parts were I’d stick ‘em with a pin to see how they liked it.