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On The Seventh Day God Created Allergies

One day, God decided He was kind of bored.  Being Omnipotent and Omnipresent isn’t all that exciting if you’re the only One that knows about it.  So God decided to build Himself some playmates.

Now God – who is an all-or-nothing kind of Being – got to work right away.  He imagined a world of danger and beauty.  He imagined lovely landscapes and frightening thunder storms.  He wanted raucous noises and scary animals.  He felt like making gorgeous trees and whimsical flowers.  His imagination was active and fertile, once He figured out he was going to build His own play town.

And so He worked.  He worked all through the night, and then He decided to make day, so He could keep working but see what He was doing better.  And He kept going.  Oceans, chimpanzees, sea anemones, volcanoes, bats.  Animals on top of things, critters underneath, and everywhere around: wind, air, song and scent.

God is sometimes a bit intense, and also a workaholic.  He didn’t have to make so many of the things in the ocean beautiful; most that stuff never gets seen, or played with.  But he likes stripes and polka dots and glow in the dark motifs, so everything has the chance to be strikingly gorgeous.  Except for hyenas.  Poor things.  They must have really pissed Him off somehow.  And God being the workaholic type, He isn’t prone to taking coffee breaks.  He’d made the beans by this point, but not the Mr. Coffee drip pots.  But He wanted a chance to view His handiwork and pat Himself on the back, and He really needed a break.  So in order to make Himself feel better – less guilty for just hanging around when He could be working on the next batch of Alien Life Forms – He created allergies.  Everyone knows that when allergies hit, you’re not worth anything.  All you can do is sleep, whine, sniff, and flip the remote control button a thousand times per minute.  Now, God didn’t have a remote, but He did have the allergies; so He just sat and sat on the seventh day, reclined back in His cloud-stuffed LAY-Z-BOY, surveyed His creation, and had a good nap.

And that’s why you get nothing done during ragweed season.

Gesundheit

 

the sense of me

The sky darkened above me today, while I walked my walk through the streets.  Clouds filled up like pregnant ladies and burst their bundles all over me, soaking me from head to toe.

I don’t mind.  Walking through town in this rain is interesting, though.  Streets normally full of traffic-rushing and lunch-getting are quiet and calm in the rain.  Looking down the street there should be hundreds of cars headed my way, but instead there is a vast expanse of shiny asphalt, reflecting back lights and shimmering like a magical path in a fairy tale.

I smell toast as I pass the houses and cars; and coffee, and also some bagels wanting some cream cheese.  I smell the delicious scent of earth and dirt, as I meander through Poncho Park.  There is something sweet here – perhaps a sugary treat dropped by a child – dancing next to aromas of cigarettes and exhaust fumes.  Warm concrete wet with new rain, and the touch of moist grass to top off the mixture.

I heard recently that the sense of smell is the weakest sense in humans.  There are times (i/e: when working with the public) that I would appreciate a weaker smeller a great deal. I, however, have super smell, and can often identify a brand of perfume just from walking into a building, or the smell of an egg salad sandwich eaten six hours ago, but somehow still lingering about the lunchor.

This super power allows me to enjoy a million little things that go unnoticed by others:  someone lighting a candle on a rainy day, perhaps to sit and read a good book by; the fresh laundry smell that squeezes through the house and brushes my nose with its clean, happy scent; and the smell of life, which seems to be toast and coffee for me – scents that say it’s time to get up and start another day.  Live.  Be alive.  Go make something of this day.

And so,

I will.

coffee and MRIs

i don’t want to be ungrateful.  it’s important to me to be thankful for things in life, and to try to see the silver lining in everything.  focusing on the positive is a good thing.  very nice. 

still….

we’ve sent people to the moon, and created a communication system that flies thorough space invisibly but manages to connect us to someone clear across the world, and we’ve even made nasty tasting stamps into stickers, so we don’t all die of glue poisoning;  you’d think we could figure out a way to make construction machines, devices, and vehicles more quiet. 

again, i’m not trying to be ungrateful.  thank you, construction workers, for fixing my road.  and making the sewer system better so that my neighborhood doesn’t smell like a piss pot from the 1800’s.  thank you for fixing the potholes in my street so my car doesn’t get a flat and my neighbor doesn’t spill coffee on himself when he is driving, drinking, and texting on his way to work. 

thank you, city workers. 

but, if you don’t mind my asking, why do you have to do all this at 7:30 in the fucking morning?

it’s not like you’re beating the traffic rush; every other fucking person on the planet has to be to work at 8 or 9, so they are already out on the road, spilling their coffee down their shirts after they drive over one of the potholes you guys will be fixing next week.  in someone else’s neighborhood.  where you will be waking up other innocent, slumbering folk with your loud fucking trucks and hammering machines that turn my morning into a three hour MRI that tells me no information about myself, except that i am a surly, grumpy bitch when i don’t get enough sleep. 

but thank you, for fixing the roads.  this is important to me, because i drive on them.  and i will be driving on them later today, as i take my grumpy ass to work, and continue to complain because you guys were also working this weekend – ON A SATURDAY – early in the morning, when good people should really be in bed working off a hangover, and there you were WORKING HARD outside my window at 8 am.  wow, you guys are dedicated.  and now, now that i am half awake and stumbling through the house looking for caffeine, and resigning myself to 5 hours of sleep instead of the much preferred and needed 10, you are taking a coffee break, and there is glorious silence throughout the land.

i’m not being ungrateful; but tomorrow, when you do all this again, could you maybe have your coffee break and lunch at the START of the day, and delay working on that awesome road until at least, i don’t know, 7:55?

accidental happiness: stardate~ 4.27.11

Used to be I was a drone bee, like all the other drone bees.  I would wake up at the ungodly hour of 6:00 in the morning, get ready, go to work, bustle about with whatever I was supposed to be doing -half asleep because I hadn’t had enough coffee – and spend the entire day doing what everyone else was doing, which was thinking about all the things we COULD be doing instead of working, like playing video games, or going to the movies, sleeping in, having sex, or spending some money at the local mall.  I told you, this was some time ago…I don’t really go to the mall that often anymore.  Unless I need some cute earrings from Claire’s, or something sassy from Hot Topic.  Shut up; yes I HAVE seen that South Park episode and it’s hilarious.  I still shop at Hot Topic.

Today makes me glad I finally gave up working the normal work-a-day business hours to go rogue.  It’s raining steadily right now at twelve noon.  I went for my walk, as the rain poured down on me, and breathed in the smell of toast that permeated the air.  Lunch time, I guess.  I still hadn’t had breakfast.  I had a chance to see a baby muskrat running through someone’s yard.  I got to hear the morning church bells, which always remind me of Switzerland.  I made myself a cup of coffee, wishing I had my secret ingredient to make it Russian style, and sat myself down to write out a little blog.  Perhaps I could squeeze in some work on my Twilight Zone project, if time allows. 

Back in the day I wouldn’t have the chance to do all this.  Back in the day, I would be collating paperwork right now, or ordering up lunch for some executives, or wondering why my boss’ deposit slip never seemed to match the till.  (hint:  weed growing in the back yard, which I didn’t find out about for a long while)  Back in the day I would have missed this glorious morning of green grass, mama Robins and soggy britches.  I would already be indoors, wanting to get out, waiting to be released from work so I could have an evening walk full of traffic and cars honking and people driving home hungry for dinner and drunks that started getting happy quite a while before the appointed hour.

So it’s a good thing I finally happened to start taking jobs that allowed me to go into work at 3:00, or 5:00 even.  And it’s a good thing I finally discovered I was a writer.  And also, not much of a morning person.

a falling of yellow stars…

mmm…coffee.

i don’t drink it every day.  i wonder why?  it’s so delicious smelling, and warming, and makes me feel so much like a writer, and today was the most coffee-drinking day i could have, so here i am, cup in hand.

fall has always been my favorite season; i love the colors on the trees.  colors i don’t always know the names for.  colors that capture my attention and whisk me away into a surrealistic painting trapped somewhere in my imagination.  i love the smell of fire places and burning leaves, the smell of snuggling.  i’ve always loved the coolness of the weather, and the advent of sweater wearing – though sweaters decidedly lose their novelty after several months of harsh winter.  still, with football and crunchy leaves, Halloween and cider, fall brings a bucket of joy with it.

today’s walk through the park led me to a new tree-friend.  a twinkling yellow tree, whose leaves were so happy and energetic, i had to go say hi.  millions (or lots) of little yellow leaves waved at me as i came closer, and i saw that there was a sign under the tree, declaring it to be a Gingko Biloba tree.  i had no idea my local park had a Gingko Biloba!  i gathered up a pocket full of the little flyers from the ground and thought my day to be quite magical thus far.

pockets full of treasure i journeyed on, past my little Poncho tree who is all decked out in yellow, past the squirrels digging out or putting in a stash of nuts, past the stone lions and their diligent perseverance,  and past the ghost girl who sits in her attic room practicing the flute.  my other park had a blanket of leaves waiting for me, and as it began to rain steadily, i visited the river to say good morning, and finally lay on my back under a tree.  i know i’m crazy, so don’t bother reminding me.  it’s not usually something that is far from my mind.  i know that if anyone was actually out on a day like today (the weather channel calling for severe thunderstorms) they would have wondered what the *#&! was wrong with me.  but i couldn’t resist.  i was tempted to make a leaf angel, but the whole park was so gloriously decorated i couldn’t bare to disturb the scene.  so buried under leaves was the park, i couldn’t tell where the grass met the path, and just plundered over everything until i collapsed at last, like i said, on my back.

and there i lay, looking up at the sky as the rain beat down on me and chinked off the trees, pavement and wrought iron fence.  and the leaves came tumbling down around me.  this fall, since the trees have been shedding, i’ve been telling myself that i have wonderful great fortune every time i see a leaf fall.  sometimes my great fortune is so great, i can’t keep up, and just stand in a shower of wonder.  so as i lay under a sky of wet kisses, i called off my wonderful fortune as the stars fell on me, and listened to the murder of crows gathering in a nearby tree.  and the love of the universe just fell all around me, and the peace of life just embraced me in its arms.  and i walked home finally, soaked to the skin, deliriously drenched, and supremely content.  i peeled off my wet layers of clothes, slipped my turquoise satin robe over my bare skin and set about making my cup of coffee.  for wondrous things happen when you combine coffee with a fall day…

another cup

 

saturday morning finds me

sitting in my doorway

listening to the pitter pat

of the falling rain,

and soaking up the cool

wind blowing on my face

and skin.

the sky is blanketed

in a quilt of clouds,

all different shades of

gray and silver.

and my bare feet long to

take me to the soft wet

grass

and through the cold

dirty gutters

of my youth.

but my city feet are

too tender now

and i turn back inside

for another cup

of coffee

and a blanket that

i hope will

cover up my sadness.

the ups and downs of a morning walk

 

I try to go walking in the morning several times a week. If I can, I’ll go every day for a short walk before work, and on the weekends I’ll go for longer, more leisurely walks. My body gets horrible pissed at me if I don’t get enough Yoga in, though, so sometimes I have to choose the one over the other, so that my old football injuries don’t bother me as much.

Today was a perfect day for a quick walk.

On the up side, it was perfect weather, warm, with the sun shining full on my face. And not too hot yet, with just the right amount of air circulating, so I come home sweaty, but not looking for my asthma inhaler.

On the down side, a creepy guy smiled at me on his bike as he crossed the street. I’m not into men with hairy faces. Scratch that. I’m totally into men with SCRUFFY faces, I’m just not into men with beards. Scratch that. I’m totally into men with Van Dykes and goatees, I’m just … okay fine, I’m not into THAT man.

On the up side, I got to hug my favorite tree, whom I’ve named Poncho. He’s just a little guy, and I’ve been visiting him since he was first planted there. I used to worry about him when he was a pup, and the wind got too strong. No need, because now his hair is all sprouted up, and he’s tall and proud, with cute little eyeballs that make him look like a character from the fabulous movie “Nine”. I’ll have to upload a picture. Poncho is adorable.

On the down side, my neighbors peonies, and the ones in the park were sad, heavy and browning today. Such beautiful flowers are hard to imagine going bad, turning old, fading or withering.

On the up side, I DID get to walk through the park right after it had been freshly mown. One of my favorite smells is cut grass, so yum…it was perfectly delicious today.

On the down side, I usually get to smell two other favorite smells – coffee and toast – as I’m on my walk, and today there were neither. The mixture of those two smells is so completely average and daily, yet something about them is the perfect combination, and the aroma makes me think of home, love, and travel. Maybe it’s like in the Harry Potter movie, where Hermione is talking about what makes the perfect love potion, and for her it is books and toothpaste. Maybe mine would be coffee, toast, rain, grass, and the smell of Old Spice.  I mean, a bajillion women can’t be wrong… (please tell me you’ve seen the hilarious commercial)

On another up side, I got to see a Robin walk right in front of me, carrying off a fat little worm, who was stupid enough to forget to wear his roller skates to scurry away on. I’ve never seen a Robin so close to me, let alone one making off with a breakfast burrito for the little chicklets.

On the down side, right at this same time, and old made up lady, who looked like a coifed caricature from Spirited Away walked by in a strange bouncy walk, wafting of an atrociously unappealing perfume.

On one more up side, my stone lions were upright again today. I pet two stone lions as I walk by a professional building just past the park. The one likes his chin rubbed, and the other likes a good back scratch. One weekend some kid came by and knocked them over, and when I saw them on Monday I could have cried. I rushed to the door and knocked, and talked to a woman who works there, offering to help if I could. She said they were impossibly heavy, and I don’t know how they got them up again, but I’m glad they did. I would have looked really stupid sitting on their grass lawn to give a belly rub to the two lions. But I would have if I had to.

On the down side, a random paper plate littered my neighbor’s yard, making me think that some random person had just had a meal as they passed by and tossed the remains in some strangers yard. It’s happened before.

All in all, a good morning’s walk. I see once again, that the light and dark, the good and “bad” will once again do their work throughout the day, trying to balance out the energies of the world, and keep everything in balance. Hopefully I will navigate the teeter totter of life well today, and face the ups and downs with equal amounts of acceptance, understanding and optimism.