i haven’t gotten much done today. today i was supposed to work on editing a chapter or two of my book, and pretty much the only thing i’ve accomplished so far today is taking a shower. oh, and playing on facebook.
i’m part of a DID group on facebook, and it’s supportive, interesting, and also … weird.
today i was reading posts from people struggling with their condition, and some of them had altars (other personalities) writing, and talking in this weird child talk. spelling all wonky, words and phrases making no sense, and i’m thinking “Jesus, you people are crazy”. but as i read along in the thread, i had to sort of wake myself up. because this is me. they are talking about the things i go through and struggle with, and despite the fact that it does – in fact – sound completely crazy, it happens to also be reality. it sounds so bizarre that people have little four year olds in their bodies, which always reminds me of the commercial for weight loss when i was a kid: “inside every fat person there’s a skinny person dying to get out”. creepy.
but it’s real. i have a little one in there that will only growl at people, and someone who can’t stand up well and would rather just continually collapse to the floor, and certainly several that shouldn’t be operating machinery at work, let alone drive a car. and Christ, then there’s trying to go to sleep at night…
“good night John Boy” “good night Tiger” “good night Scritchy”
“good night Nellie” “good night Rocky” “Jesus, would you people go to bed already?”
i don’t want to be ungrateful. it’s important to me to be thankful for things in life, and to try to see the silver lining in everything. focusing on the positive is a good thing. very nice.
we’ve sent people to the moon, and created a communication system that flies thorough space invisibly but manages to connect us to someone clear across the world, and we’ve even made nasty tasting stamps into stickers, so we don’t all die of glue poisoning; you’d think we could figure out a way to make construction machines, devices, and vehicles more quiet.
again, i’m not trying to be ungrateful. thank you, construction workers, for fixing my road. and making the sewer system better so that my neighborhood doesn’t smell like a piss pot from the 1800’s. thank you for fixing the potholes in my street so my car doesn’t get a flat and my neighbor doesn’t spill coffee on himself when he is driving, drinking, and texting on his way to work.
thank you, city workers.
but, if you don’t mind my asking, why do you have to do all this at 7:30 in the fucking morning?
it’s not like you’re beating the traffic rush; every other fucking person on the planet has to be to work at 8 or 9, so they are already out on the road, spilling their coffee down their shirts after they drive over one of the potholes you guys will be fixing next week. in someone else’s neighborhood. where you will be waking up other innocent, slumbering folk with your loud fucking trucks and hammering machines that turn my morning into a three hour MRI that tells me no information about myself, except that i am a surly, grumpy bitch when i don’t get enough sleep.
but thank you, for fixing the roads. this is important to me, because i drive on them. and i will be driving on them later today, as i take my grumpy ass to work, and continue to complain because you guys were also working this weekend – ON A SATURDAY – early in the morning, when good people should really be in bed working off a hangover, and there you were WORKING HARD outside my window at 8 am. wow, you guys are dedicated. and now, now that i am half awake and stumbling through the house looking for caffeine, and resigning myself to 5 hours of sleep instead of the much preferred and needed 10, you are taking a coffee break, and there is glorious silence throughout the land.
i’m not being ungrateful; but tomorrow, when you do all this again, could you maybe have your coffee break and lunch at the START of the day, and delay working on that awesome road until at least, i don’t know, 7:55?