it’s like this … i have all these ideas, and projects, and books to write…rooms to clean…stuff and more stuff. and i get this wave of inspiration, or this brilliant flow of creativity. and i’m motivated, not sleeping because the ideas won’t let me, and the hunger to create keeps me up all night, kooky on caffeine, or wakes me up early so that i am groggy and can hardly make it down the stairs without breaking a leg or squishing a cat. and then it happens. i get to the computer and it all leaks out of my brain. all that good creativity, oozing out of my ears. all that brilliance, spreading over my cushion as my head collapses onto the couch and my eyes force themselves shut. it’s like this:
although, the journey may be the best part of the whole damn mess of life; climbing this creative ladder may be more of what i need than a final product.
hmmm…not very Zen today, am i? maybe i just need more coffee…
it’s Fat Tuesday! yay, time to suck down some sugar and lard in order to get ready for some serious self sacrifice!
the history of Fat Tuesday is shrouded in mystery: did it originate with the Polish, who made too many Panczis one day, and decided on a random Tuesday to have a blow out sale? was it initiated by the Pagan-cum-Christians, who were eager to fit into the church (so as not to be burned) but reluctant to set aside their partying ways? or did it all really begin in New Orleans, spear-headed by some crafty politician that knew shiny beads, alcohol and sugary treats meant debauchery, drunkenness and increased tourism capital.
any way you look at it, kafillions of people observe Fat Tuesday before buckling down for the more strenuous Lent. eat, drink and be merry today, for tomorrow we must not have chocolate. or soda. or smoking. whatever your vice is.
i don’t think this is a bad thing. i’m not against it in any way. i’m also not a Christian (any longer) so i can choose to observe or not observe this time of year. the thing that is interesting to me is the giving up of something for Lent. i’ve heard of people giving up red meat, sugar, junk food and alcohol. i’ve heard people say they are going to give up Facebook for Lent. how is this really honoring Christ’s sacrifice? i mean, if he goes for a month without food or water, he’s delusional and dehydrated, malnourished and exhausted, then crucified on a cross for not doing anything wrong, how does giving up french fries equate to that sacrifice? is it really on the same playing field? – hypothetical question, that.
instead of trying to make myself feel better for having indulgences and vices by ignoring them for a stretch of days, i’d rather try to incorporate new things in my life. if, as Christians proclaim, Jesus came to give us life, and free us from sin, why are we spending all this time sacrificing something that won’t help anyone? Jesus doesn’t need my soda. or my damn good Taco flavored Doritos. me offering them to him isn’t going to do him any good, or me. it would just make me super cranky to not have my caffeine. instead of focusing on what is bad in us and what should be expunged, what if we all embraced life? what if instead of focusing on my eating habits, i helped feed the poor? what if instead of giving up time on the internet, i worked with Habitat for Humanity to get someone a new home? what if i bought someone a cup of coffee instead of giving up my own?
it seems to me the world might be a brighter place if we spent more time helping one another – at ANY time of the year – rather than beating ourselves on the head for eating yummy foodstuffs.
i don’t want to be ungrateful. it’s important to me to be thankful for things in life, and to try to see the silver lining in everything. focusing on the positive is a good thing. very nice.
we’ve sent people to the moon, and created a communication system that flies thorough space invisibly but manages to connect us to someone clear across the world, and we’ve even made nasty tasting stamps into stickers, so we don’t all die of glue poisoning; you’d think we could figure out a way to make construction machines, devices, and vehicles more quiet.
again, i’m not trying to be ungrateful. thank you, construction workers, for fixing my road. and making the sewer system better so that my neighborhood doesn’t smell like a piss pot from the 1800’s. thank you for fixing the potholes in my street so my car doesn’t get a flat and my neighbor doesn’t spill coffee on himself when he is driving, drinking, and texting on his way to work.
thank you, city workers.
but, if you don’t mind my asking, why do you have to do all this at 7:30 in the fucking morning?
it’s not like you’re beating the traffic rush; every other fucking person on the planet has to be to work at 8 or 9, so they are already out on the road, spilling their coffee down their shirts after they drive over one of the potholes you guys will be fixing next week. in someone else’s neighborhood. where you will be waking up other innocent, slumbering folk with your loud fucking trucks and hammering machines that turn my morning into a three hour MRI that tells me no information about myself, except that i am a surly, grumpy bitch when i don’t get enough sleep.
but thank you, for fixing the roads. this is important to me, because i drive on them. and i will be driving on them later today, as i take my grumpy ass to work, and continue to complain because you guys were also working this weekend – ON A SATURDAY – early in the morning, when good people should really be in bed working off a hangover, and there you were WORKING HARD outside my window at 8 am. wow, you guys are dedicated. and now, now that i am half awake and stumbling through the house looking for caffeine, and resigning myself to 5 hours of sleep instead of the much preferred and needed 10, you are taking a coffee break, and there is glorious silence throughout the land.
i’m not being ungrateful; but tomorrow, when you do all this again, could you maybe have your coffee break and lunch at the START of the day, and delay working on that awesome road until at least, i don’t know, 7:55?