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dear diary #2

Dear Diary:

today we are getting hammered at work.

not hammered as in DRUNK – which is what i’d rather be right now, and might possibly help me do my job better, or at least tolerate annoying people more easily.  just a constant barrage of people, questions, calls and activity.  we are all eating chocolate chip cookies and drinking Coke to get through.  if i could IV the  caffeine directly into my blood system i might be more friendly today.  till the caffeine kicks in people will just have to DEAL WITH IT!

tomorrow, i may just vote everyone within spitting range OFF THE ISLAND!!

CRAZY PEOPLE, I LOVE YOU!

especially when you stay home and let the rest of us alone.

oh wait, i’m a crazy too.

OH!  i get to go home then!!!

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I wish my DVR remote worked on people.

If I could just hit the pause button and explain why and what, then maybe the light would go on in some of these dark attics that are clearly full of cobwebs and mice droppings where there should be a functioning brain.

Not that I don’t appreciate. I understand, you see, that this guy that yelled at me today is actually TRYING to do the right thing. He wants to resolve a problem, or fix something he thinks is wrong. Gotcha. But the way he’s going about this is what we call “ass backwards”. Which … I don’t know what that means. His bottom is where his junk should be. His butt is upside down. I don’t know, point is, he’s one of those guys that will spend $40.00 worth of gas driving around town, store to store, to find the one place that still has an item in stock he can use his “save-a-dollar” coupon for. YAY! I SAVED A DOLLAR!

He’s so busy yelling at me, telling me what I need to do to fix this problem, questioning whether I really care at all about my job, and expressing how easy it is to fix this situation that he doesn’t notice I’ve actually walked away and begun knitting a death mask for him, because I’m thinking he may never get another breath of air in during this long tirade. He may expire right here at my terminal. Ha ha. My Terminal terminal. Awesome. Not that I want him to die, don’t be ridiculous. But I am interested in his immediate silence, so that would be one of the options.

If I could hit a pause button – though with this guy I’m sure it wouldn’t work, he’d find a way to keep moving his mouth and gesturing at me even if he was muted, paused or being deleted – maybe I could explain that there are procedures, or protocol, or heck even something called practicality involved. It sometimes costs more in man hours to fix some little thing than the little thing is actually worth. But because Mr. Mouth’s verbal diarrhea problem is impeding his ability to hear and reason, he will never know this.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a people DVR remote with pause button. So maybe if I held up cue cards, like the ones they use in silent films:

“NO”

“THAT’S NOT HOW WE DO IT HERE”

“NICE TRY, BUT YOU ARE STUPID”

“THAT ISN’T A POLITE FINGER”

“PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME BOXES ON MY DESK THAT LOOK LIKE THEY MIGHT BE A BOMB”

“MY SUPERVISOR’S NUMBER IS…”