Category Archives: movies
well it’s another hot scorching day in the States. which is wonderful, because it’s not winter! but if you don’t have AC at your location, here are some recommendations for keeping cool:
1. Go to your local library! Not only should your local library have loads of good stuff to read, listen to and peruse, they should have AC as well! Do what our patrons do and enjoy the cool spell for a while as you play Farmville on the web. Or nod right off in one of the fluffy chairs. It beats passing out on the sidewalk and getting a concussion from heat exhaustion.
2. Go mall walking. Malls are full of AC. And consumerism. And pretzels. So then walk a little more after that.
3. Hit the theater. Summer blockbusters don’t even have to be interesting, because they offer popcorn and AC for a few hours of the day. Who cares what’s playing? But if you can still catch it, the Avengers is worth watching back to back for multiple kick-butt enjoyment and extended AC play.
4. Bug someone in your family. Surely someone you know – family member, friend, ex, or foe – has air conditioning you can siphon off for a while as you return that old lawn mower you forgot you had, or the old jean jacket that went out of style twelve years ago. Or maybe you just want to patch things up with someone you’ve had a feud with, because that will be sure to take about three or four good hours of crying and cooling down.
5. Go to Red Robin. Not only do they have the best most delicious burgers EVER, they are coooool. Not sure what the maximum stay period is, but you can stretch it out by ordering desert, refills, and asking for a coloring book.
6. If all else fails, lie in the tub! Pour a tub full of cool water, sprinkle in some mint leaves if you want refreshing scents, and hop in with a good (disposable) fiction read. Be sure you bring in something you don’t mind tossing out, just in case you drop it in the water. Magazines are great for this, and comic books if you aren’t an avid collector and worried about the mint condition. You may find yourself slightly pickled after a few hours, but just think of all the telemarketers and mothers-in-law you will avoid by not hearing the phone!
If you haven’t seen the hilarious “Weather Man” with Nick Cage, I highly suggest you get on that.
Now, I know my sense of humor and taste in movies is not the same as everyone in the world. So if you like movies about bunnies and romance and little happy children running around singing songs, I recommend something in the children’s department. If, however, you have a sense of sass and silliness, check this movie out.
Nick Cage is always at his best when he plays nutballs. In this movie he has a variety of personal issues to contend with, ranging from a very problematic short term memory to confronting difficult family matters, like how to handle the complicated issue of his daughter’s frequent camel toe.
Favorite scene from the movie is as follows: Dave Spritz is supposed to be out getting tartar sauce for the take out meal he is bringing home. He is notorious for forgetting to bring things home. If his wife could hop inside his brain for a minute, she might understand why it’s so hard for him to do small tasks…here is his inner conversation, as he stands behind a woman on the street with a particularly nice ass:
“Man, I’d like to put my face in there. Right in there. Tartar sauce. My hips are cold. Tartar sauce. That’s when you know its cold. I like eating pussy. Tartar sauce. A lot of guys don’t. Well maybe they do. Maybe that’s just black guys. Tartar sauce. What happened to the guy who was trying to fly around the world in a balloon? Did he make it? I should put some espionage or stolen plutonium in my novel. Tartar sauce. Spice it up. Neil Young. Fuck, its cold. Neil Young. Wh-why am I thinking about Neil Young. Neil Diamond. Neil… Theres not a lot of famous Neils. Is this Wednesday? I wish I had two dicks. I thought the whole family was going to learn Spanish together this year. That never really happened. I haven’t had a Spanish omelette in a long time. [street light turns green] Here we go.”