character flaw re-take

Have you seen all those facebook quizzes that people take?  “What mineral would you be?”  “If you were a dog, what breed would you be?”  “Take this quiz to find out what Beatles band member you are most like!”  I mean, there are only four of them, we can’t all be summed up into four people. Well, five, if you include that first kid.

Anyway, these stupid quizzes are silly and meaningless, and yet sometimes fun and exactly what you need on a particular day.  And some of them are particularly ON.  And my response is, ummm, WHOA.  That is intense and really deep.  I totally KNEW I would be Inigo Montoya!

But what do you do when you don’t like the “character” you turn out to be?

Today I was reading a fiction book, and I came across a character in the story line that made me go, “huh.  what a friggin’ bitch!”  The main character in my story is an American fellow who is living in London shortly after the Ripper murders have claimed their victims.  Main character meets up with a woman during the course of an investigation, and WHOA, this is one tough biddy.  This lady has a hard and crunchy shell, but we aren’t really certain there is any yummy gooey center.  She has obviously had a difficult life (which is proven out) and has therefore had to toughen up and develop a layer of skin so thick that she is more of a tire than a person.  And yes, she has helpful information for the detective in the story, but she is so caustic and controlling, so pushy and proud, so damn removed from human emotions, that I found myself HATING the character.

And then five hours later, it hits me: I’m kind of this woman!

Oh I’m not a bitch.  No one that knows me at all would really use that word to describe me.  I actually care about people quite a lot.  But so does this character.  She cares about all kinds of people, especially low life, underprivileged folk.  And she tries to help them.  But she has been burned so badly in areas of her life that she is now Automaton Woman.

And here I am, going through something in my life that I have gone to great lengths to try to avoid, and I realize I’m trying to avoid it so hard because it makes me feel.  It makes me hurt.  It makes me human; and apparently I don’t deal with that soft side of life very well either.

I don’t like her!  And I don’t want to be her!  So what do I do when I find that the character I turn out to be completely sucks!?  I mean, where is the “retake this test?” button for the real life questions???

character flaw

About denelle

writer. artist. ponderer.

Posted on August 5, 2014, in random. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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