prelude to Skritchy

you can spot my work schedule by my blog.  long week: just a pictue.  short week: three blogs in one day.  by the way, blog is such a weird word.

i haven’t written about my “condition” lately.  mostly because i have trained myself to walk around pretending like i don’t have it; like there is nothing wrong with me.  but sometimes…well i can’t always avoid the truth.

on Wednesday of last week, i came into work in a different personality.  apparently.  because EVERYONE commented on how weird i was that day, and one of my co-workers/friends said “i don’t think denelle is with us today”.   i’m not sure if she was talking about the Multiplicity situation, or if she just thought i was “on Pluto” which is what one of my other co-workers said.

i sort of feel like i have MPD-Lite.  like a lite beer instead of the real thing.  i’m not sure if that is an accurate summation, or a real possibility.  maybe i just don’t want to think i’m as crazy as i am.  i put up pictures on my blog because people seem to respond more strongly to my photos than to my written blogs, and somewhere in a corner of my mind, someone sighs from relief, thinking that if we just keep people happy we won’t have to talk about that “weird stuff”.

but it is weird.  Wednesday i was in whatever personality i was in, and i didn’t know i was any different than normal. i’ve never played an RPG game or Magic the Gathering or anything like that, but i think i can liken my situation (multiple personalities) with Magic:  people – like cards – are on reserve for certain situations.  i more frequently use my WORKER card, because it is an appropriate face to show the general public.  but i have all these other guys in my deck, just waiting for the right circumstance to pop in the game:  a laughing little silly girl; a cynical, untrusting old soul; a prankster type; a klutzorama.  all of them are waiting for their moment to come back, so they can hop around and eat ice cream, or stick their tongue out at someone.

and they don’t necessarily know that they haven’t been out in a while.  some of my personalities are very aware of time, others, my lifeline.  others are … well, pretty clueless and scared.  and sometimes these people pop out on accident, which is maybe what happened on Wednesday, i don’t know.  but then i had someone asking me if i was OK all night, is there some way they can help.

i’m like:  Jesus, i’m not bleeding out of my eyes!  i’m just crazy!  and how are you going to help; have you got a personality organizer handy?

well, anyway, i guess all this came on because i just put up an old poem that uses the word “skritchy”, and that is what i call one of my personalities.

but skritchy is a story for another day….

Advertisements

About denelle

writer. artist. ponderer.

Posted on June 12, 2012, in mess of life, MPD, the dark side, viewer discretion advised and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. yeah, that whole “creative/brilliance/insanity” line is so very blurry… 😀
    all the good artists go nuts in the end anyway, so we’re just beating the rush, and the pressure

  2. I like your comparison of your MPD to a card game. Great metaphor for being able to pick a mode of personality that’s convenient for the situation. As for them asking if they can help…I have no authority to judge other people’s usefulness, but I’m gonna assume they can’t. MPD is not something you “help” someone with. You help the person by knowing and being with them, and not mentioning it in conversation (unless they’re super close friends, then almost anything can be a fun conversation piece)

    • thanks for the comments. yes, the best help seems to be talking with me, or just making me feel comfortable in whatever personality i’m in at the moment. so yes, you are very on track with that. know anyone with this condition? or are you just uber wise in the ways of the crazy? 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: