Flying Ford Anglia

Sometimes I feel broken.

I have seen many dark days, and my journey through the streets of life have left me with a great many battle scars, and worst case scenario reflexes. I have wonderful qualities, a good heart, and am an attractive woman. Still, I wondered aloud today – to my sister – why someone would want to pick me out of the lot, rather than a newer, shinier model.

It’s not that I don’t see my own value.

I’m funny. I’m witty too, which I feel is different. I’m sarcastic, and quick, charming and loveable. I am entertaining, silly, fun to be around, and have a child like appreciation of the world and my surroundings. I am loving, kind (usually), compassionate, and loyal. I am strong, intense, passionate and committed. I have goals and ideas, aspirations and achievements. I am understanding, forgiving and resilient.

But I have been ‘round the block. I’ve been dragged through the mud by more than one villain. I’ve got stains, and wounds, and dark patches of questionable material on the hidden corners of my soul. I react and respond to ghostly apparitions that don’t look anything like the person I am talking to, but often have a stronger hold on my attention. I am afraid of love, and life, and realizing my dreams. I’m afraid of hoping in happiness, worried that I will come oh so close, only to watch it float out the window while I am busy working out a feasible schedule for the attempt of intimacy. I am raw and feral at times, bursting into tears for unknown reasons, wracked with sobs from a monstrous past I haven’t yet learned to escape. And there is no escaping it. It is me. It is part of me, this horrible string of tragedies that have made up my life.

I’m like a dinged up car, with mismatched wheels, a cigarette lighter that doesn’t work and badly torn upholstery in the back seat. My rear view mirror never sits straight, my left turn signal doesn’t work on its own, and my trunk needs a bungee cord to keep it from flying open when I’m in drive. Who would want this? Who would want a broken down beat in used up tin can of a person?

And I don’t know the answer, ok? Don’t pressure me on that.

There are loads of brand new models out there to choose from. If that’s what someone wants, have at it. Shiny ones that purr like kittens. Fancy ones with loads of extras. Brand new, glorious, young things that make life easy and convenient.

Thing is, those babies don’t have the magic I have. I’m like the Weasley’s Flying Ford Anglia. Yeah my lighter is broken, but I can fly. I’m magical. I can take what is given to me and create something entirely new. I can hold a nasty object in my hand, and mold it into something beautiful. I can see past what is in front of me, to the future of what that thing will become. I can inspire, and motivate, encourage and renew. I am alchemical, and restorative, and wondrous. I may not have the shiniest coat of paint, but I guess I can settle for being a Magical Mystery Tour.



About denelle

writer. artist. ponderer.

Posted on June 22, 2010, in biographical, thoughts and reflections and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 47 Comments.

  1. for top Pokémon Info!

  2. Does this have anything to do with Harry Potter? I can’t assure myself that you didn’t… Either way, when I think about it, it does bring me happiness… Thanks for sharing, it’s a great way to start my day! 🙂

  3. Reblogged this on empower With Hal and commented:
    Great thoughts for so early in the morning…

  4. Great post! Following you now, because I love Anglias and because I know exactly how you feel. Only I don`t care to be chosen again. Not even going to patch up the bodywork on this ol` car because I`ve enough of villians 😉

  5. fortheloveofyaf

    I have a best friend like this who I think often feels “missed the boat” on finding someone, because she was too busy healing from a loser that did her damage. I say bump that. She might not have anyone right now, but I think it’s because she’s too good for the boys available to her. I’d say be a magical flying you over settling for a crap driver any day!

  6. Very cool blog man love what you’re doing so far will def follow you

  7. You really know yourself and you sound beautiful. I think there is a very lucky person right around the corner.

  8. Blimey, I quite enjoyed this post. 🙂

  9. I identified with this too and I like to think our battle scars are what make us stand out than some shiny new model that is generic and has nothing unique about it.

  10. It’s the scars and wounds we collect though out life that make us the ones who stand apart from the pack. We wear them as proof of our survival, we might be beaten down, but we never broke down – we still run. It instills in us the great quality that when shit hits the fan, we can handle it. Those newer, unscathed models you mentioned – they haven’t lived, earned their stripes and respect. I will always choose the person who has seen life from every angle rather than the shiny new car that’s never driven out of the parking lot. Be proud of where you come from, some one else will see it for how beautiful it is.

    • wow! thanks everyone, for the cool comments, wisdom, insight, and someone for jokingly hitting on me! (yes i’m over 34!!) this is an awesome surprise; i worked all weekend and didn’t even realize this blog was “Pressed” until just now, Monday at almost 5pm EST! so thanks all, for kind words and kindred spirits.
      and thanks wordpress for awesome connections…
      cheers all!

  11. Very cool blog man love what you’re doing so far will def follow you

  12. I enjoyed your post! Wonderful.
    If you love vintage cars, check out my post today.

  13. I love this Flying Ford Anglia. Perhaps it should be in a museum and enjoy a rest?

  14. your post reflects and reiterates – old is gold….brilliant and heartfelt…there is a rare beauty and magic in imperfection…loved your post.
    congratulations on being freshly pressed.

  15. You are beautiful and it is timeless.

  16. Is there a more appropriate metaphor? Perhaps you’re a pair of slightly faded jeans rather than a stiff new pair. Or a worn-in boda bag (or wineskin, to use the Biblical phrase). Or day-old pizza–wait, that doesn’t work.

  17. I identified with so much of this. Huzzah for being magical. 🙂

  18. I’d rather be dinged up, bunged up and chewed up rather than flashy, bright, new or fancy. Mileage adds strength and virtues that only an equal can see, feel, and appreciate.

    Your pedometer reflects character, and wisdom. The lack of radiance on your faded exterior is only a facade. Under your hood, the engine revs and the transmission sings. You’re a high performance machine. I read the evidence here, within the lines of your story.

  19. I’m in love with your last paragraph.

    So. Damn. Much.

  20. artificernomics

    Loved this! It’s those dings and mismatched hubcaps that represent experience and you can’t find experience listed on the sticker in the showroom floor 🙂

  21. Hi! I popped in from “freshly pressed” intrigued by you photograph. Really enjoyed your thoughts and confessions and loved the photo that is your personal personification of “the Weasly’s Flying Ford Anglia”. {Our family is in the middle of reading Harry Potter, book #2 right now so that really hit home with me}.
    Nicely done.

  22. It’s a question of taste, it’s not logical or anywhere near so stop worrying about things out of your control.And if you ask me, you got to try over and over again, that’s life and it doesn;t stick to a predetermined plan it just happens.

    I am not an expert on life, love and humans but I had my fair share of them so I can say I’ve been around for some time and for some reason I still believe that sooner or later you wiil find what you are looking for, or it/he will find you.

  23. would love to fly with you

  24. What a car, and no bird ever messed up it’s rear window!

  25. We enter phases in life. So you are worn but you know the ropes and understand life and its foibles. Hang in there. Somewhere there is an old Ford or Bentley that needs a shinning of the chrome and some rust removed from its hood.

  26. I love you and anyone would be crazy to go with the shiny new model over the Flying Ford Anglia!

  1. Pingback: Flying Ford Anglia | empower With Hal

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