I Am Not Jane Austen

It took me forever to read “Pride and Prejudice”. Well not forever to actually read the length of the book. It took me a long time to decide to finally read the work of fiction. I never thought I would want to read this book. For one thing, it sounded like an old war novel to me. I guess maybe I was mixing it up with Crime and Punishment, another book I have put off. It sounded heavy and negative and war-ish. It sounded old and difficult and boring.

And actually, it took a fabulous BBC television series, “Lost in Austen” to make me pick Pride and Prejudice up. I happened across one of the episodes, fell madly in love with the story, the protagonist and of course Mr. Darcy.

But really, who doesn’t love Mr. Darcy? Difficult. Stubborn. Manly. Delicious. He’s got the bad boy bite with the soft squishy middle. Yum.

Anyway, after seeing a stray episode of the series accidentally at two in the morning, I rummaged through our bookshelves to find our tattered copy of the book, and began reading it then and there. And while I didn’t finish the book that night (I had to go to work eventually that day) I did stay up into the wee hours of the morning greedily consuming the story. It is a masterpiece, a beautiful work of literature, and not at all what I expected. It is funny, sweet, charming, lovely, and made me happy and hopeful about life.

This blog, however, is not actually about that story.

I was talking to my sister about my blog, and how I wanted to discuss on here the interesting aspects of having Multiple Personality Disorder. We were having a conversation about something, and she said, “Wow, most people aren’t like that.” And she admitted that she wasn’t sure, because this was an impromptu conversation and retort, and she hadn’t actually surveyed “most” people, to find out whether they were like or unlike this particular thing. She was judging the situation from her experience, and what she expected was a normal experience for others.

“Oh.” I said. Because I don’t know what most people are like. I only have my experience to judge from. “Well that’s interesting,” I continued, “I think that might be an interesting blog”. Meaning, of course, the thing that I said that was unlike what most people would say. And I thought I would want to blog this thing, and other things, that are maybe different perspectives on life. But I got nervous. At one point in time I had one subscriber to my blog, and once I mentioned my condition, the subscriber left. I didn’t want to make anyone nervous or uncomfortable. I like readers dropping by and reading my randomities. (this would be a word i just made up, to express the often random writings i share about nothing specific, or maybe something specific, but incoherent). But I don’t like the idea of freaking people out or chasing them away. Because that’s actually the opposite of what I’m trying to do in my life. I’ve ALWAYS chased people away because of this MPD thing, and now I just want to be me, and live my life, and stop feeling like I have to hide the MPD thing. But still, it made me sad to think that people might somehow reject ME because of what I was writing about.

And my sister, wise and wonderful as she is, said “If they want to read something happy, they should read Emma”. Meaning of course the OTHER book by Jane Austen that I have not read. Because Pride and Prejudice was so good, I wasn’t sure I would like the other one as much, and I didn’t want to ruin the glow of Pride and Prejudice, which is now one of my top favorite books.

So yeah, this blog is about me, and my reality, and the interesting and sometimes bizarre happenings that occur when you have Multiple Personality Disorder. It’s not always a happy blog. But sometimes it is. Sometimes it is full of angst and worry and despair. Sometimes it is full of hope and love and passion. Sometimes it is stupid and goofy and littered with old candy wrappers that I don’t know where else to put. See what I mean? So if you find it interesting, I hope you will keep reading. And if it disturbs you, well then I highly recommend the works of Jane Austen, who is quite an amazing author, yet not at all me.

About denelle

writer. artist. ponderer.

Posted on May 17, 2010, in crabby panties, MPD, thoughts and reflections and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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