past loves, future lives

The sun is setting now, and I sit on my porch with my beer and laptop, and think about my ex-lover. Wind blows through the leaves on my tree, making them dance and shimmy, and I remember that this ex-lover of mine inspired some poetry from me. Perhaps on a gorgeous, warm, relaxed evening like tonight. And I can almost smell the rain coming, while the world around me is turning a spring green; and not just the trees and yards and bushes, but the very color of the atmosphere is greening up, almost the opposite of how a night looks before a storm, when it turns red and smokey, and a touch menacing (but exciting nonetheless). And I remember my old beau, and I smile.

I sit here and think of the love we made, and the times we shared, and all the amazing aspects of our past relationship. How much we loved each other. How important he was to my life, both as a friend and a lover. The way his face looked as he created one piece of art or another. The gentle look of concentration as he made me dinner. The peace and calm I found when I was around him. This beautiful person contributed so much to my life, and made me a better, more soulful person.

Love is amazing. It is not always happy and spring green, and full of fragrance and growth. Sometimes it causes friction, and pain, and an aching hole in the heart. Sometimes it makes us crazy, and we want to pull our hair out, or get into fights at the bar.

But sometimes, a rare person comes along and breathes life into us, making us feel more passionately, more deeply than we have ever felt before. And at a time in my life when I least expected it, perhaps I have found this kind of love again. Someone that takes my breath away. Someone who makes me curious about life, when I thought I was familiar with its paths and turns. Someone who has lit a spark in my heart, and makes me feel like I am once again a twelve year old girl, looking into the face of a full life, ready for a beautiful adventure to unfold. And that twelve year old  is hopeful, and bright, and full of expectation, like I haven’t known in decades. It’s like an archaeological dig has uncovered some precious hidden treasure that has been unknown and undiscovered for all these years; and that treasure is my heart.

So I take another swig of my beer, and reflect on my past love, and – hopefully – my future one.

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About denelle

writer. artist. ponderer.

Posted on May 1, 2010, in thoughts and reflections and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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