sex is good for me

Ok, I totally have to rip on a book. Well the cover of a book. And the book shall remain unnamed, because I’ve forgotten the title already.
I work at a library, so it’s not like I read the backs of books all day long for interest or hobby. But I happened across one title, and the book jacket severely disturbed me. It’s a self help book, intended to help you make sense of life, as if that’s possible. Really the self-help genre should probably just be merged into the humor sections, because guess what, life doesn’t like to be understood.

Anyway, this stupid book was NOT Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but it probably wishes it was. It seemed like it might try to run along those lines, though. But the cover description made me want to chuck the book across the room. It said something horrible like, ‘do men ever want anything more than just sex’? Or an equally bad, ‘women want intimacy and men want sex’. Something along these lines. And I found this horribly offensive and disturbing, for several reasons, which of course I will share.

First of all, men aren’t the only ones who want sex. Ok? Single women want sex too. Apparently something does happen to single women once they become married, and then they no longer desire sex, so sure, if this book is written for married women, then I understand the jacket a little better. But no, men aren’t the only ones that want sex.

In fact, in many of the relationships I’ve been in, (ok, there aren’t really that many, but it sounds better if I make it sound all “Sex and the City”) I have been the partner who wanted sex more than the other person. I’ve dated guys that weren’t terribly interested in sex at all, unless they’d had a nice bottle of scotch or two. And…

I dated a guy who didn’t need to have sex at all. Wait, let me clarify, I wasn’t having sex at the time, which meant HE wasn’t having sex at the time, but he was fine with that. He genuinely cared about me, seemed to LOVE me, and he wasn’t getting any from me. Ok, I guess he was getting a little something, but not the real thing. So it pisses me off that this book makes it sound like all men are pigs. Because, although this guy was a gambling, alcoholic, possessive bigot, he certainly was understanding about not having sex.

Studies show that having sex several times a week increases your life span by several years. Sex also helps combat depression, as there is some magical substance in men’s magical substance that brings the joy back into life. So I can’t understand for the life of me why so many married women complain that their men just want sex. Hello? Your man is offering to help you live a longer, happier life!

But I also am enraged about the ever pervasive assumption that men only want sex, and don’t want intimacy, bonding or companionship. Now I’ll admit, I’ve never been married. And as my married friend advised me today, once I’m married for a few years, then I can see what all the fuss is about, and why women complain about their spouses all day. Well, if I ever do get married, I’ll give her a call after a few years to update her on my potential discontentment. But for now, I have to admit that I’ve met a lot of men that are devoted and loving. I’ve met a lot of men that wanted to be kind to me, and protect me, and worried about my feelings. I’ve met a lot of men that wanted to talk to me about my opinions and ideas and experiences. Yes, they stare at my chest the whole time we talk about these things, but I can’t blame them for that, I have great knockers. And yes, I’ve met men that are juvenile, and selfish, and thoughtless and shallow. But I’ve known a lot of women like that too.

If women only see men as these sex hungry bone-heads, I have to wonder if they are looking out of their eyes correctly. Maybe these women are only seeing what they expect to see, or what they want to see. But hey, don’t change your vision because I said something about it.  Go ahead and complain about your man.  I’ll be busy getting it on, and living happily ’till I’m 150.

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About denelle

writer. artist. ponderer.

Posted on April 8, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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